The Wind

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After a muffled hiss of pneumatic door, the bus accelerated on its route as driver revved the gas and with it he moved towards front of the bus where seats were vacant. First two steps were heavy as he had to fight his own inertia in the cruising bus. He took out his bag from back and took a backwards facing seat which was vacant. “Hushh..”; He loved this seat as it was intriguingly satisfying, to see things go away while being totally unaware of what is going to pass by next moment. The trees were going away from his view sight and even through the running bus it was easy to spot the swaying trees. Wind has got high spirits today, he chuckled at his own thought. Also the view reminded him of his childhood when he used to sit on carriage, back to back with his older brother as the elder peddled the cycle. The world seemed to be whirling and swishing around; there was a mix of feelings in that play; joy of the fun ride, fear of falling down, nausea of the dizzily view. Life was good. He kept his earphones where they were, he didn’t felt the need as he already had a better hook.

He was sitting rear end facing to the bus. The sits in front of him were occupied but still the view through the large windows surpassed the sight of crowd. It had become his daily routine. At this hour of the clock, when he took his 40 minutes ride to work he needed music, a good text or the rear facing seat to keep him in hang for the rest of time till his stop came. These were much better ways to keep mind off of depriving thoughts which always preys on idle mind.

His trance broke when bus came to halt at one of the stop and then again geared up to move. The passengers boarded the bus from the rear entry door and moved forward toward front looking for vacant place. Some of them took a stand in the middle standing space and some took ladies sits which were on his right side. The passengers standing right in front him blocked his sight of what he was enjoying so far. He felt a little upset but then eased up himself with a deep breath. “Nothing lasts forever” he realized the statement. He looked around, an obvious move of curious mind when it has got nothing to do. He looked around, just looked without any intent to spot anything. Someone in the bus has just opened the window and noise of swooshing air drew his attention. He turned his random blank gaze towards that noise.

*******

She had hurriedly stepped in the bus as it was quite a windy day outside. She took hold of the railings as the bus started off and then settled down in a front facing ladies seat which was almost in middle of row. She didn’t liked her routine as it made her wake up early and catch bus for office, it wasn’t a forte of a night owl like her. She used to stay up till late night doing her own things, it was only her love for her work back at office which made her get out early from her bed. Every day, the four to five alarms in series had to hit her to start her day, get ready and catch the bus for the work. She settled down both her thoughts and herself. The old lady beside her had the window seat and she kept on fiddling with the things around her. Just in mid of that, the restless lady pushed the window to slide it open. The gust of wind gushed inside through the window and slammed against their faces. Suddenly, the wind outside found a way to enter and running bus aided the air gust to enter in like a blow. The people around them turned their stare at the sudden disturbance. The old lady realized her not so wise decision and she tried to pull back the window to shut it close. Meanwhile, the wind kept on gushing in as if now or never. With that, girl’s hairs which were hurriedly tied behind with a rubber band went loose and cascaded over the flow as the wind rushed past them. For a moment she was stunned with what came upon out of nowhere. Her hairs were all over her face, The old lady was flabbergasted with the blow and tried to pull the window to close but it was not as easy as pushing open or the window was stuck.

*******

When he was having a wander stare, the swooshing noise beside him drew his attention. Within moments, he spotted the things to interpret the scene. Open window, gushing air, lady trying to close the window, and a girl… His eyes fell on her and before he could process any thoughts, everything felt as if slowing down, uncontrollably. The blowing air, the chattering of people and the trees passing by; everything seemed retarding around him except of her. It was as if time wasn’t ticking any more. It all just happened when he saw her slightly frightened face and brown eyes fighting the wind to stay open. Her hairs were swaying over the stream of air as she struggled to get them off her face. Somehow, a tiny grin appeared on his lips by looking at her feeble attempts.

It took her moments to come back to her senses and get to know what has happened. The loosely and mostly hurriedly tied hairs had gone wild with the wind. she was trying to put them together and tie while looking at the old woman who was struggling to close the window. In that jumbling moment, her eyes caught his stare. She understood that he is looking at her After few failed attempts, she finally grabbed her hairs behind as one of the passenger standing nearby helped old lady to shut the window. She felt little anxious with the thought that her hairs must have made her an embarrassment for herself. For the first time the thought of agreeing with her roommate about cutting hairs short crossed her nerves. She looked around as she was twisting her fists behind her head to tie a bun of hairs. Everyone was back in their world by now, some chatting with co-passengers, mostly on phones and some sitting silently. She finished tying the hairs, and as she was putting her loose hairs behind the ear, she saw him. The guy in the next row and opposite seat, staring right at her with a strange sparkle in his eyes. Instead skeptical nature of her could start to construct the thoughts of why is he staring, what he might be thinking etc, her mind went kind of numb. She didn’t looked away but kept exchanging the gaze. She wasn’t seeing hi no more though her eyes were at his, her mind was busy in the whirlwind of thoughts, do I know him, have I seen him before. Same things were happening across the row. He was having this frozen thought thing. He wanted to think and interpret things but nothing seemed to move on. After maybe an eon of moments later, the memory struck both of them at the instant. They both realized that the other person is the one with whom they have had that weird eye-clash once before, on the day with gentle breeze. And then the second lightning struck, they just realized that they were staring right into each others eyes, again uncontrollably. Both hit the reality and then like a confused child they turned their stares elsewhere. Gathered their thoughts together of what just happened while staring out of window. Again, it was a blank stare, looking outside but not seeing anything. She tucked her hairs one last time and went into the thoughts. He clutched at the bag over his lap and went with the wild outburst of thoughts arising in head. Heartbeats were racing, for both of them and the strange feeling of  maybe embarrassment, confusion or something else was taking over their mood. Both of them are having this urge to smile but they didn’t because they knew something stupid is going on. The day is going to be pretty long. A lot has happened in that tiny moment while giving away a huge unexpected load of thoughts and feelings.

***

The wind outside has picked the intensity and was slamming against closed window panes besides them, unknown of what it is going to bring with it next.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR

(a year ago, I had published a blogpost with same title 🙂 )

2019….!

New Year started with the usual unique celebrations, cheers and yeah; not to forget the resolutions as well. Almost everyone was into it. I too used to be in the league but with the time I learnt it is not my cup of tea; I am not celebration type guy (quite boring huh..) nor the one who follows the track of decided resolutions.
Just in the glow of this shiny ‘happy new year’ light, I asked one of my friend about his thoughts, views or resolutions; basically I asked him to tell me whatever he has to tell me about new year. He started
talking…..
” See yaar, me too. I am not the kind of person who wishes new year, sets resolution and start writing diary although it might last for a month only neither I have any sort of action plan of ‘what to do.?’. But I will tell you what I did on this new year occasion.” He continued with a short pause while staring at the horizon. ” The first thing I did was, I looked back. I looked back at the past year. I saw what I earned and what I lost, what did I learnt and where did I go wrong. I looked at my ‘Baggage of life’ and observed what is in it that I have collected in the past year. There were new cool things I experienced and the ones with horrific twist too. There were some new relation-strings attached and some went on to break out too. Just like a LIFE kind of thing, there were lots of ups and downs. But the greatest thing the 2018 gave me was ‘Realization‘. The last past year was the year of realization for me. It made me realize the things. Things which I already knew or the things which I was unaware of.” Even after he stopped talking the above line; I was unable to decipher the meaning of his sayings. He picked up the expressions of my confusion (lack of understanding) and curiosity (strong wish of overcoming that lack of understanding) and again dived into his speech.
“Alright, let me explain it for you. There are two things with us. First is knowing and the other is realization. Knowing means knowing (chuckles) There are many things that we learn or they comes to our knowledge because we are told of the same, We are taught such things by our parents, teachers, elders and the society. We live and the things that we perceive through the experiences of others is known as Knowing (chuckles again) Hope I am not making this more confusing for you.” I assured him with the nod and signaled to proceed.
“And, realization is something that you see, live by yourself, you feel it in your core and the emotions, opinions, vision and thoughts that floods in afterwards are yours alone. Realization is the understanding things through our own nature or say, soul. In knowing, you know something that you had read, heard or been told somewhere. But realization is one step ahead of this because in this, our mind starts to process things through its own mode of perception despite having the previously acquired knowledge of the same. It sprouts out when our mind steps beyond the boundary of taught knowledge and seek out for the nature of things, incidents, people, emotions all by ourselves. Realization comes in the when mind goes out wandering for the self-owned, judged opinions. It is like a pearl which is discovered when the mind takes a dive into the deep ocean of thoughts with the diving gear made of our own philosophy.
For example, I know what a drought is so do you, I knew it since long ago but it was now when I was struck with realization of what actually a drought is, how terrible it is and how it affects the lives. I knew that lack of raining is drought because it is what I have been told, reading, taught and lately seen too. But it was just a piece of knowledge for me until I had the realization that drought is not just a natural calamity, it’s a curse for the farmers, it destroys smiles and wipes the joy, it dries out the hope and wells up the tears in the eyes. It jus..”. The words next to these were choked in his throat, with a long pause,
he uttered the last statement; ”As in for this case, knowledge would make you feel sad but realization is the one that hits the nerve and make you real sad, real sad like..like wet eyes, heavy chest and all that”. He smacked his lips; “I should’ve given some other example, maybe love or addiction” and at the end chuckled again. “Nah, none of the latter two are my forte” I tried to ease the vibes.

Long silence (but not awkward in any way, at all)

Realization it is, I would dive for it once my gear is set” I said and continued “alright that was about last year, lets head for the New Year. Tell me whatever it is you have thought, planned or set out resolutions for 2019.” He laughed a little, “I don’t have any resolutions or set plans. I already have the diary in line since almost a decade so let’s drop it here but yeah, I do have some thoughts better say guide ways to follow this year. In fact they too are connected to the previous year’s Realization. These thoughts which I have decided to follow or adapt are the conclusive fruits of this realization thing. It is the realization which made me derive the thoughts after I came to face the things of life. Obviously they are not the supreme philosophical principles to be followed by you or any other. They are by me, and I see them fit & best to be followed.” He kept on explaining his things to me.
“The very first thing is, I don’t want to be a (advisory notice, explicit content follows) bitch. I don’t want to be villain of anyone’s story. If there’s anyone who will treat me not-nice or bad. I won’t keep on doing the same in reverse as if vengeance. No matter how you are to me, I will try my best to be good because recently I had the realization that it is better to be forgotten than being villain of some ones story so why not at least try to be remembered as a nice guy once you leave.”
“Other thing is, I don’t want regret for things I have done or the things I missed to do. We often do that, if there is mistake, we regret for committing that and if there was a thing that we wanted to do but time passed for it, we regret for not doing it. What I have theorized from my lessons that there is no way regret can undo our mistakes and neither it can bring back the time which has elapsed. Instead if we focused on avoiding same mistakes and hitting another time-chance, it will prove more helpful.” He shifted his tone a bit.
“Another planned thing is that I am trying to stop being judgmental. Many of us have it. The things done by others by their own conscience to themselves are likely to be judged by our own kind of perception, conscience. There is a girl wearing shorts; there is a boy eating non-veg food. If to be seen through the eyes of an orthodox, that girl is judged to be as ‘not nice’ or the boy as ‘sinner’ through the eyes of some divine vegan. Yes, sometimes judging things is good and necessary too but if there is no harm nor there is a mutual thinking aligning with one’s such judgment on large scale, then I think it is better to stop judging and drawing self-indicted conclusions about someone else. As much as I believe that whatever you are doing is ‘wrong’, there is exactly the same belief in you that whatever you are doing is ‘not wrong’. It is just matter of clouded judgment or an open mind. This is what I want to make stop; being judgmental.”

He stopped talking, I thought he is done but after short self-thinking time he started “And at last I realized that just missing people doesn’t count. You have got to call them, hangout and spend some time. Because trust me, even if it seems normal now someday it might push you in great regret and distress. Better avoid that.” With this, friend of mine exhaled deeply and gave me indication, “That’s it..!”

After that we had long talk but I only noted the things here which I thought are enough. Well Happy New Year..! Just because I don’t like to set resolutions doesn’t means it is not cool, obviously it isn’t.
(see, I am trying to avoid being judgmental 😉 )

*******

© SilentShadow

BREAK THE BARRIERS

SHE was there but SHE wasn’t what she was made for, or wasn’t what she deserved to be. SHE was right there amongst all those people living in colonies termed as ‘Society’. But still she wasn’t given the right of being the equal part of that society. She was being judged like an object based on orthodoxic parameters set by don’t know who; she was being played as if a toy made for HIS desires. It was all as if she was just a piece of stone which shall not have its own rights and feelings or what else called as emotions.

For HER the world felt as if, SHE is there but still really isn’t. She was harassed and molested and tortured. She was treated like an meal of desire on which lusty wolfs always seemed ready to jump and sooth the hunger of satisfaction. This kept on happening over the ages that felt like eons. HE had made it an obvious rule that she is made weak which means is made to rule dominate and harass. HE forgot to look through and observe the tenderness within her making it obsolete that she needed to be handled with love and respect. HE went on to dictate himself over her and she was bearing all the unfair things with patience and stiffled cries of the pain.

But as it’s said, there is always a sunrise to wipe out the darkness of night. On that day, she saw the rays of her soul which reflected her own pride and value on to the horizon. She was something, more than what she was told or treated to be. SHE was as much righteous and even more precious than HE was. She saw it and decided to break the cage which had her kept behind the bars all the time. She broke the silence with the rage that has erupted for embarking her free and equal existence on to the ground she was forfeited to have because of cliche fences spread around.

She broke the word for herself. she broke the silence.. she found her shine glimming for the first time and with that she saw the looks of disgust, heard the words of being moral less etc but she didn’t budged, not this time because she has seen the darkness of monstrosity wiping out with the rise of new morning..

She did it… She broke the silence, it’s your time, go for it.

BREAK THE SILENCE..!

BREAK THE BARRIERS..!

– Recreated from the thoughts of @pallavi

THE BREEZE

The bus was pretty crowded that day. The students heading for their college, others for their work and offices. All the seats were occupied and in the open floor space along the seats, rest of the passengers were standing. All was quite except for the whirring of engine and other passing by traffic on the road. A good winter morning does indeed freezes the things. She was seating in the second last seat and he was standing in the middle free space. Unlike every person in the bus, they were strangers to each other. She had her earphones plugged in while he was fiddling with his phone in hand. It is the normal thing nowdays, when someone gets alone, they dont go out and look for the person to have a warm company with. They just pull out their phones and starts to find the web-companions. He was doing the same and so does the every other person in the bus. (If the person from the timeline of 80’s or 90’s been picked up and placed in this bus, he might’ve hit with a shock or looked at these modern people as some sort of degenerated or brain-diesease suffered kind.) Anyway, and then there was that moment when colder breeze swept in, giving him the slight shudder. He looked up, around and outside. Others were still in their trance. Some listening music, some on internet, some staring blankly out of the window and some engaged with conductor for ticket. He was faded with phone already because he hadn’t found anything that could keep him hooked up. He was looking out on the roadside, then at the stained window panes of bus and then he gazed over the people in the bus.

She was listening the tracks which she now no longer knew or understood. It was just the hang of the music and rhythm that mattered for her. She was staring out of the window but she was totatlly unware what is she looking at. She was as if staring in the oblivion. The bus took a sweep turn along the hillside and with that the cold air gushed in through the creak of almost closed window, pulling her out of her frozen state. She straightened up herself in the seat and pulled the sleeves of her jacket up her fingers as a reaction to the tiny shiver. She paused the music and looked around. Every day, there was a thing in common with every co-passenger of hers; she didnt knew one of them and yet she kept her gaze wanderingg around those unknown faces.

While in wander-gaze, He looked at her and at the same time she looked at him. Eyes met. It was for around one tenth of seconds and quickly the clashing eyes turned somewhere else as if it has never happened. Eyes parted. (With the generation which always keeps their eyes sticked to the screens, it could get somewhat awkward if the next to your eyes is someones else’s eyes instead of an AMOLED.) The followed instance was as if the cold breeze has frozen the time as well. He thought, “She might not even know that I looked at her, it is just a coincidence.” She thought,” I hope he might not know that I looked at him and, it is just a coincidence anyway.” She knew that she looked at him and he had not any partake in the clash whereas the same thought flashed in his mind. He presumed that she might not even know this thing has happened and it is all with him only. Both had it, the moment; but both thought that it is just about their own perspective of looking at thing. She considered that it is just her and with a chuckle she let go of the moment and moved on with the bus. So did he, assuming that it’s just a plot of coincidence he turned his gaze somewhere else while wearing a lopesided grin on his face. Then after a moment later, the bus engine was whirring loudly and the breeze has already been passed over by then. They were back to normal state of theirs. She looking out of window and he back to his phone.

…….

Who Am I : An Ultimate Aspect

I, you and we were at the question asking ourselves, “who am I..?” Well there are lot of things which will answer this question with sound and justifiable explanation. Physics will name you the big bang whereas the biology will crown you as an organism made of cell blocks who managed to survive on this race on Earth by the Darwin’s principle. There are many more explanation but there is one ultimate aspect that gets through all of this.

ShreeKrishna says,” look around you.., in every particle of sky and earth, in fragrance of flowers, in colors of rainbow, in noise of chirping birds and thundering clouds, in the cool breeze and showering rain, in the stars and seas. I am everywhere and in everything. Besides, peek inside yourself and you will find me there. Once you find me there, you will see me everywhere and so do to yourself. In each particle of sky and Earth, in fragrance of flo…”

This doesn’t defy the science, instead it engulf all of it in best simple way. We don’t need to know who we are because if we understand the true meaning of existence of every thing around and our own, it will enlighten the mind with answer. There is no We in this world but what actually matters is our actions, deeds, choices we make and karma we forge in whole lifetime.

There is no point in searching who we are. Mortally, there are lot of explanations to support but they won’t define us for real. In short, Geeta states that we don’t need to search our identity because it gets on building up invisibly as we continues to walk down the path of karma. Life and Time doesn’t remember is for who we are but it does based on what we do. Our actions could cast either a legacy or an dark legend. Indeed we have got the steering wheel on the path, which means we gets to decide our definition by the choices and decisions we make along it and thus the answer of our very first question, who am I…

I AM WHAT I DO…!

*******

A Right Way to Fight

We are a nation which has went through all sort of political apocalyptic conditions throughout the history. Time flew away and so did all the empires ruling over us, but that didn’t happened just out of nothing. It cost us many fights worth of lives against every ruler. British laid down their posterior on our lands for 3 centuries but their time came to an end as well. From there on, our progress towards democratic governance took steps and leaps. The damage done in this paradoxical period was unnerving; social, economical and moreover psychological damage done to this land over the span was deep and it took hard work and great efforts of our masons to build a firm infrastructure of our nation’s building. Despite that, we are still a developing country. In our nation, there are lots of problems and uneven businesses in every field. It causes events of unjust and hence procreates the feeling of being treated unfairly. There are lot of unbalanced flow of services and rights and power. One gets more than what he deserves whereas the worthy stays empty handed. At such times, anger takes the front line command ( & it can be termed obvious if seen through the natural behavioral instincts of animals). We think that this will pull out some solution and we do think so because it had already worked effectively in past, many times. Hitler did it and so the Bhagatsingh. Brut-Force. But is that really justifying..??

I don’t think so. I deny that fighting is only way to get through the problems we are facing. Even if anyone told me to accept and affirm my opinions with ongoing actions by instating a point that it was this rough way which made Hitler a conquerer (well, almost..) and helped India gain freedom from Brit’s; there is one big difference. One major point which makes this way least feasible.

Hitler did it over people whom he termed as outcasts and he did so to be a dictator. Yes, Bhagatsingh and others certainly did attacked police and broke into the offices, but they did it over those people who they thought, and who actually were dictators. In this case of both, one wanted to be a dictator whereas other struggled to eradicate dictator; one did it for his own glory and other chose similar way to bring glory to his people and land.

Here, let Hitler rest in peace as we are not on that side. Let’s get to our freedom fighters who did fighting, tough one. I can agree upon their actions, I do. But it doesn’t have to be agreeable in present time also because there aren’t the same things around now as there were in previous century.

Are we up against any dictator or whether we are looking to be one..? if YES then it’s ok to have this anger and subsequent actions incurring out of that furious rage. But if the answer is no, ( and obviously it’s no because unlike Bhagatsingh we are not fighting for our people; instead we are fighting with our people.) And if NO ( which means we are on same page about this) then we all truly need to introspect. Who we are fighting with… & How we are fighting..?

We are not fighting Moghuls or British anymore. We are an independent and free nation and we, the citizens of this free land are fighting with ourselves. We are fighting with the same people to whom we address as brothers and sisters in our national pledge. I ain’t against fighting for rights, not at all. One must stand for his rights. But here my point being is, how we are fighting. We can not expect to win the race if our hands and legs are fighting and chopping down each other, similarly we can’t expect our country, our nation, our town to grow and progress if we, the constituent elements of it are fighting and quarreling each other. This fight could use more tangible and ethical weapons which will give effective results and these weapon can be forged correctly if we channel our anger in right direction.

How many of us gets stirred by unjust and rather than breaking windshields, picks up book to get into that administrative service which lets unfair thing happen to people. How many of us hate corruption and still gives 100 rupees illegally to traffic police without any hint of regret but instead, having joy of saving 500 rupees of legally fined charge. I’ve done the same, twice till now which obviously puts me in no position of giving such ‘big’ talk (but again I thought that talking is better than shut mouth and closed eyes). We have anger to burn down buses and put the tyres on fire but we don’t have same fury within to set ourselves on the other track to achieve the same goal. We blame politicians and their corrupt profiles and also comment on what they should do and don’t. We know better that what is good for people and what not and we can give our words and knowledge real meaning if we choose to act upon them. We can stop that inflaming blame-game and get down in the ground (participating in politics) to do what we want in an ethical and solid way.

If we are fighting in this new updated approach rather than hurting and spicing up the wounds, every corner will shine brighter than it does now and our nation will see new heights.

*******

[ I didn’t write it as if I am stating universal fact. No…, it’s only my opinion (& yes, it is justifiable..! that’s why I dare put them in words) I would like to know other aspects and opinions too ]

Who Am I : Aspect 1

So the question was, WHO AM I..? And one of the aspect which struck my mind like lightening was the physics, broadly the science and so the thoughts went whirling down in the depths of it.

Billions and billions years ago, when there was nothing except of….nothing itself, a sudden and extremely powerful burst of energy erupted from a tiniest particle and then within the fraction of second, the universe as we see it today emerged through it, the big bang. from that moment the time started to tick and space started to expand with the clouds of only hydrogen all over filled randomly in it. Gradually, these gaseous cloud particles gathered due to gravitational attraction to form dense bodies which over millions of years later turned into hot burning star. With continuous gravitational pull inside their core and the ongoing nuclear reaction, a stage came where they exploded releasing very high energy and the new element into the space. Again these gases reformed into star and then exploded creating another different element. Helium, Carbon, Nitrogen etc. all the elements that we see in periodic table today were created through these dying, exploding stars. The universe spent its billions of years just in this firecracker show of forming elements. Subsequently, the galaxies and solar systems formed including our dear earth. 4 billion years ago the birth of earth took place followed by the first life, then second and then on and on. An era came when we, the humans evolved and started to roam the earth. With consistent struggle, humans managed to survive and today here we are, most advanced and intelligent species on earth.

If we looked at ourselves we will find out that our body is made of elements such as calcium, nitrogen, hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, phosphorous etc. Now roll back to billions of years, starbursts; the phenomenon which formulated all these elements of which we are composed. We are the descendants of the stars, the stars which exploded to turn into us. If seen in little more depth, we will come to know that from where do these stars came from. Something unknown triggered the big bang, this big bang created stars and hence all the elements. Further down on this road these elements have formed us.

So who am I..?

A Star, The Universe or The Big Bang.

*******

Aspect 2 follows…

( Please comment your own thoughts, feel free..! Thank you.)